Asteya.

The concept of non-stealing means more to me than making the choice to not take something that isn’t mine. To me, stealing, jealousy and envy are synonymous and developing mental habits that maintain those sensations are extremely detrimental to our spirts. 

As a teenager I would listen to music and imagine myself as the performer. Growing up in a chaotic household, this activity of imagining I was an accomplished artist became a ritual. It was a way I allowed myself to pretend I was someone completely different and a tactic to repair my bruised and broken ego. I wouldn’t imagine if one day I’d be accomplished like them, I would go into this trance of imagining I was them. I would lip sing and one time remember lip singing to Jordan Sparks not knowing my friend was watching me. She asked me if I had practiced, and I screamed no. I was ashamed. Angry even. This practice of imagining I was someone important had manifested itself so deep that having to confront the fact I was “just me” felt dismantling.

In my early 20’s I started having a hard time going to live music shows. It was like I didn’t want people to see that I wasn’t on stage. Crazy. I see now that was me realizing I didn’t like my own behaviors. Rather than make music I obsessed about others making music. Rather than deal with my demons and start expressing myself in the healthy ways I wanted to, I hid behind other people’s accomplishments. I made everything about me and didn’t once sit down to appreciate what guts it takes to be an artist and how special these artists were for staying committed to their craft. I was so wrapped up in this toxic habit of denial I stole a small piece of their hard work by imagining I had achieved all their success without any effort. 

When we live in a modern world that constantly tells us we’re not enough it’s so easy to start stealing from others. Imagining what we would be like if we had a piece of their greener grass. 

I think it’s important to recognize that despite the competition of this ruthless modern, capitalist, environment, we have a duty to be happy for others and push aside our envy. When we make the mistake of allowing ourselves to develop envy, we subconsciously tell ourselves we’re not enough and create hierarchy’s that don’t exist. 

There’s no point to steal from other people’s light when you see the light you’ve had inside you all along.