Yoga of Sustainability (Sex Philosophy)

It’s Saturday morning at Jefferson Market Library and the library was empty enough that I got to pick my seat. This week was disappointing and the luxury of getting to the library early is invigorating. As usual, I’m thinking about the human experience and all the “things” that make it up. I have an urge to dance with my wild thoughts today and play with something. Like Ronny Chieng, I’m tempted to set up a booth in Brooklyn and start randomly interviewing people to see what happens. Every decision you’ve ever made is directly connected to your beliefs on sex, death, and wealth. Prove me wrong.

Before I get into the thick of sex philosophy, it’s important to clarify that I won’t be talking about intercourse when I reference sex. We’ve all been brainwashed to think of only intercourse between a man and a woman as “sex” and I hope that by the end of this conversation you expand that definition.

In the Yoga tradition, the definition of sex is much broader. It says that sex is everything and everywhere. Sex is the union of opposite polarities happening inside each of us. Sex is true nature.

Yoga teacher and author Mark Whitwell says that sex is the power of the universe in “pristine harmony with the cosmos.” Whitwell says that our first human right is to be intimate with ourselves and the world around us. Like all of nature, sex doesn't need to involve intensive practices, gripping, controlling, or manipulation. It is simply happening, effortlessly, all the time. Like breathing.

For most yogis and yoginis, we think of Brahmacharya when discussing sex. This is based on the Yamas and Niyamas, found in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.

“Brahma charya pratishthayam virya labhaha” (PYS II.38) means “When brahmacharya becomes stable then the yogin gains great energy and power.” Brahma refers to God, and charya means a vehicle that takes you somewhere. In other words, Brahmacharya means, “to use sex with the intent of moving closer toward God,” or even “to use sex with the intent of moving closer toward Yoga (to yoke or dissolve separation).”

Now, let’s replace “God” with “our true nature” and imagine removing blockages that separate us from our true nature as “moving closer toward yoga or God.”

When we do that, Brahmacharya looks different yet the same. A huge part of building a relationship with sex philosophy is acknowledging that this subject is taboo, and we need to break it down into Layman’s terms, so we’re not intimidated by it. If you’re feeling sensations of shame or intimidation, then you’re not seeing sex as all of life yet. This is completely normal and a part of the journey. Recognizing where you are today IS a part of sex philosophy - it’s in this process that you’re building an honest intimate relationship with yourself and the world around you.

Yoga by no means tells people to abstain from sex or to suppress their sexuality. This is a misinterpretation. Bramacharya encourages the right use of energy and emphasizes using one's energy wisely. Bramacharya reminds us to practice moderation and avoid excess or extremes. If your intention with sex is to dissolve separation and merge with your true nature, that’s a very different intention than using sex out of obligation, insecurity, or manipulation. By intending to use sex to remove blockages that separate us from our true nature, great power becomes available to us. We can then use that power to achieve authentic balance in our lives.

“The practice of self-inquiry leading to true self- knowledge” as described in The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, “Is being willing to see oneself clearly so that we can release unhelpful tendencies and evolve into our highest nature."

Now, let’s use the terms “sex” and “intimacy” interchangeably. Sex is nature. Sex is everything and everywhere, and we can’t begin to see that if we confine ourselves to restrictive definitions of sex. Most religions say sex is bad, evil, or harmful. A sin. If we believe that, then we suppress our true nature. Sex philosophy shows us that we can build a relationship with our true nature by becoming more intimate with ourselves. Which is why “sex” and “intimacy” are arguably the same.

There are many ways we’re able to become more intimate with ourselves that have nothing to do with the traditional definitions of sex. For example, understanding our likes and dislikes, and gaining the confidence to act on those desires. Self-expression. Compassion. Truth. Strength. All these energies are born from building intimate relationships with ourselves and the world around us. Intimacy can be described as having an authentic and loving presence with ourselves here and now. Once we have empowered language around sex and intimacy it’s possible for us to talk about pleasure, pain, and desire, without feeling like it's inappropriate or unethical.

If someone believes that being intimate will somehow restrict their spiritual growth, then that person is most likely going to suppress their own sexual energy. This suppression of nature keeps people bound to the idea that intimacy is something only available outside themselves rather than inside. This keeps people from turning inward for answers. When you can’t have intimacy with yourself, then you will be constantly looking for that missing piece of you somewhere else - you will be constantly giving away your power. Until you break the rules, undo your cultural conditioning, and embrace your own sexuality and sexual energy — you won’t have full access to your own inherent energy and power.

So what happens when sexual energy is suppressed for 1 year? 5 years? 100 years? Do you think that chronic suppression could lead to misunderstanding of true nature and a disconnect from purpose? Our philosophies on sex dictate our ability to get to know ourselves in real ways. Sex is natural and powerful. Those who find ways to control sex control others. All that needs to be done is to make sexuality a weakness that must be renounced until a teacher, guru, system, tradition, or religion is ready to give it back.

Alternatively, people are frightened that they’ll be kicked out of the system or tribe if they take back their sexuality for themselves. These two compounding forces are enough for anyone to let go of their power. We don’t have to be religious people to fall into this mass hypnosis of control over our sexual energy. These systems of control are embedded in our world in systemic ways. The effort we put in to remove these systems of control is the same energy that allows us to understand what our purpose is. This is why our philosophy on sex is directly related to our philosophies on wealth and fulfillment.

Now when you think of sex, I hope you have a broader definition of what it is. Yoga is meant to remind us that we are sex, we are nature, and we’re not separate from any of it. The energy of sex and intimacy shapes our realities; the energy of sex and intimacy makes the world spin; Like my teacher, Emily Kuser says, “Sex is a blossoming flower; it's a bird flapping its wings; it's a tree slowly growing its leaves; it’s butterflies mating.” It’s everywhere and in everything, so you might as well get used to it.